Attempted Force Awakening
by iron maker2
Summary: (Not a Star Wars story, though there is a reference). The gang attempt to wake Archer from his coma via trying to anger him. It goes about as well as you expected.


"Now your probably wondering why I call you here?" Krieger said in Archer hospital room. with all the gang present.

"No, were here to make sure you don't do something weird to any patient in the hospital, Archer included." Ray said half-sarcastically.

"Oh relax's. I left all my interesting contraption in my van so there no way to mess with these guys." Krieger said

"Then what in the bag." Pam said.

"Stuff from the morgue. What, you said patients. You never said anything about body parts from cadavers." Krieger said defensively.

"Krieger, before you return whatever you took I want to know WHY you brought us here." Cyril said

"Right, well I figure a way to wake Archer up, without doing any cybernetic nor drugs. And that method is to anger him."

"Anger him?" Pam questioned

"Yes, anger him." Krieger stated

"Your plan to wake up Archer from his coma is to make him angry." Lana said annoyed

"It worked on the simpson." Krieger said

"That is by far, one of the stupidest plan that has ever came out of your mouth." Mallory snapped.

"Trust me it will work." Krieger then turn to Archer "In rogue one everyone died!"

"...That it?" Lana said

"Lana as a true star wars fan you should know, spoilers are horrible!" Krieger stated

"Yes but not the kind that wakes someone from a coma!" Lana snapped.

(Dreamland)

"Ah right! I always wanted to see this movie." Archer said standing in front of a movie theatre, he was about to see a movie called Rogue mobster "Although for some reason, i think this should be in space. Which is weird." he was about to head in when a bunch of people walked out.

"I can't believe everyone dies in the end." A random movie-goer said

"Yeah didn't see that one coming." another stated

"GODDAMNIT!" Archer roared "That the most annoying thing! hearing a spoiler, right when your entering a movie theater to see a movie!"

(Real world)

"Hmm, you would think there would be at least be a toe wiggle." Krieger muttered

"Well there isn't you wanna know why-" Mallory began to say with a nasty barb but was interrupted.

"Your not being mean enough." Cheryl stated as she pushed Mallory "Hey Archer, you know how your mother order us to recover a Mk. 28 hydrogen bomb from a downed B-52 so she can ransom it back to the government and middle middle middle it cause you to drown. I looked up the image my brother use to display said bomb is a wire diagram of that Little Boy, a way older model use for hiroshima."

"WHAT!?" Mallory shouted

"Yep, you drowned for nothing cause your mother was too stupid to cross-reference what a real one looked like." Cheryl laughed but gagged as Mallory hand shot forward and grapped her throat in a vice-grip. "Continue mocking my intelligence and I will break your bird-like neck." Mallory growled before letting go."

"Tease." Cheryl gasped

(Dreamland)

"So did you hear that mother try to kill a member of the van der tunt family." Woodhouse said, Archer found him already at the theatre

"Really why?"

"Apparently it was due to one of them selling her fake weaponry."

"Hehehe! I don't know why, but i find that hilarious." Archer chuckled "Although i feel like i'm oddly missing the point about something.

(real world)

"Alright this is obviously not working can we please stop it. It feel like really disrespectful roast." Lana said annoyed

"Can I do one." Cyril asked

"No, cause if you do one, we be here all night!" Lana said annoyed

"This about the woman who bitch about the convict Veronica Deane." Pam said

"Oh shut up." Lana said

"Both of you shut it! Mallory snapped

"Please i'll just do one, a very simple one." Cyril said

"Oh just let him do it Lana cause he will whine about it for days." Ray said

"Fine but it has to be short." Lana said

Cyril grinned abit

(30 minutes later)

"...Wow." Cheryl said in stunned silence. "Even by Tunt standards... Wow."

"You are very lucky he is in a coma right now." Ray said eying Archer comatose body "Cause he would have beaten him black and blue."

"Err... but isn't that happening right now?" Krieger said as Mallory and Lana were beating the crap out of Cyril.

"I meant more in the sense that all three would be attacking on him."

"Eh, he would have been fine if he didn't get over-excited and stupidly include them in the short reason why Archer a moron." Pam said

"Yeah i guess... still can't believe my plan didn't worked." Krieger said looking at Archer. "Its as if he didn't hear a word.

(Dreamland)

"My car!" Cyril screamed in dismay at the wreck that was once his car.

"Woah, wonder who did that." Poovey said

a few miles away

"That was completely childish." Woodhouse said

"You heard what he called me, I couldn't let that go!" Archer snapped

 _Fin_


End file.
